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Hilda

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Kyle Conroy edited this page Nov 13, 2013 · 31 revisions

Hilda is milkmaid. She lives in the Town. Her father is the Blacksmith

Love

By increasing Hilda's trust and affection, you can access "frontend script language". Instead of giving the player access to Lua (the game's open source people), we'll code in support for the custom actions seen in the episode, mainly making babies.

Dialogue

Hilda has a lot of dialogue options, but many of them aren't shown in the episode, so it's up to us to fill them in with lots of witty, informative stuff.

When you first talk to Hilda, she says

I am Hilda, I live in the village.

If she loves you, then she will also say

I love {player name}.

Then you get the four following options:

talk

After you click on 'talk', you get another four options:

stand aside

I'm sorry to see you go.

madam i am on a quest

I can help with that. I have information on many topics.
for your hand
I cannot marry someone I do not truly love and trust.
weapons and upgrades
My father is a blacksmith.
You can find him in the shop at the edge of town.
throne of hawkthorne
The throne is in Castle Hawkthorne, north of here.
You unlock the castle with the white crystal of discipline
which you must free from the black caverns.
more

This is the list of the options found in the episode, which are all video game references.

albatross
Albatrosses are one of the biggest birds in the world.
Many species of albatross are close to extinction,
therefore we must try harder.
anglerfish
A violent fish, prone to aggression.
You wouldn't like him when he's anglery
antiphysics horse
I've got a pantomime-horse disguise you could use.
Do either of you have any experience being a horse's ass?
avenger
There was an idea to bring together a group of remarkable people,
so when we needed them,
they could fight the battles that we never could.
bell toss
Oranges and lemons ...
black lightning
Faster than white lightning.
blue fire
Use copper chloride.
blue poultry
Treat yo' self!
boring regular old fire
Next contestant, Mrs. Sybil Fawlty from Torquay.
Specialist subject - the bleeding obvious.
brick vouchers
I'm broke.
I tried to buy fertilizer the other day for the soccer field.
Request denied.
I literally can't buy [bleep].
broken swords
Has anyone ever tried sticking a sword in Voldemort?
bubble attack
Bubbles! Bubbles! My bubbles!
carpenter camps
Why do birds suddenly appear?
channel wood
That's what she said.
charged fireball
On the bright side,
We haven't had any earthquakes lately.
cinnamon island
It's atmosphere is 7% cinnamon.
clown face helicopter
Flying a helicopter is no different than riding a bike,
it's just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.
collect all blue coins
Bugger me, you could get someone killed for that.
dark queen
There are two things you need to know about the dark queen.
#1, she is dark.
#2, she is a queen.
Do not abuse your knowledge.
egg treatment
I do not like green eggs and ham.
extra large swords
You have successfully rubbed your balls on his sword.
fly on a bird
Am I a bird?
No, I'm a bat.
I'm Batman.
flying war ships
Don't mention the war.
forest fungus
Ew, that looks infected.
frog extinction
You know what? My prank is going to cause a sea of laughter,
and I am going to watch you drown in it!
frog prescriptions
I'm a frog.
Someone got that was a Power Rangers reference?
Right?
fun quests
Between our quests we sequin vests
and impersonate Clark Gable.
giant ant dance club
If you knew how they treat those animals
you would eat them faster,
to put them out of their misery,
and then you would throw up.
giant rock monster
R.O.U.S
Rocks of unusal size.
good karma quests
Wik.
That's a Holy Grail reference.
green fire
Never laugh at live dragons, Bilbo you fool!
hidden pipe
It's hidden.
hornet
This honey gives me a buzzzz.
hot tub end boss
Wetter than you'd think.
hover puppy
Does it always have to be puppies though?
impervious to lava
Run, run the house is on mfire!
You can't mfire me - I mquit.
island of annoying voices
Annoy, tiny blonde one.
Annoy like the wind.
ladder bug
Welcome to... ladders
**applause**
leaf attack
I know kung-fu.
madam, i am on a quest
I can help with that
I have information on many topics...
magic carpet
Almost always piloted by friendly...
yet sexually ambiguous Glee club instructors.
magic feather
Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.
magic flute
Playing one of these may cause you to be transported
to far off worlds that will frustrate you even more
mechanical
I want to watch Tom Selleck fight mechanical spiders.
metal blade attack
Stab them with the pointy end.
mustached mushroom
Start living like you have a mustache - 
Ask yourself what would Burt Reynolds do?
old man trainer
I'm younger than the three of you put together.
ostrich
I like ostriches, but also, I don't?
I don't support ostriches. They're unfair to pigeons.
I guess that's why you never see them
on the same continent.
other parrot
In the toughest jungle in the world,
there are the big time parrots,
and then there are the Other Parrots.
parrot
This parrot is no more!
He has ceased to be!
pharmacist
Continental cretin.
pimples
Whenever Magnitude gets a pimple, he knows what to do.
purple fire
The opposite colour fire doesn't put it out.
raccoon clothes
A raccoon once bit my sister.
No realli! She was carving her initials on the raccoon...
with the sharpened end of an intergalactic toothbrush.
Go watch Monty Python if you think realli is wrong.
rashes
I'm not getting flustered,
these things on my chest are just rashes.
I'm allergic to beans.
rhino
Oh, this was just a nickname that I got in college.
Don't worry about it.
rock punch
You must seek out Kickpuncher;
His punches have the power of kicks.
rocket ship
Just as KFC's secret process seals in the flavor,
I'm sealing in the cabin's air
so you don't explode on your journey.
running jump
You can only jump so far until you break your leg.
sawing small trees
But there's no wood.
seal
You can unlock this by getting kissed,
by a rose on the grey
seal along the shore
Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside,
I do like to be beside the sea.
shredder
Together we will punish these creatures, ...
these turtles.
snake
Snake? Snake?!
SNAAAAKKKEEE!!
space ship
In the future
two cardboard boxes
are about to become
SPACE SHIPS
spider
We're gonna make Spiderman black now?
Why don't we just have Michael Cera play Shaft?
star zone
In my opinion, there is only one star worth studying.
It is a black hole called Sagittarius A,
located in the center of our galaxy.
It has the density of 40 suns. Just like my wiener.
stoneship
It'll sink like a lead balloon.
subcon vase
Breaking this vase sends you into a dream-like state filled with your subconscious.
swordfish
An underrated movie starring Wolverine,
it's still not as good as Blade.
teeter totter flying floor
Even with an IQ of 6000, it's still brown-trousers time.
the chicken lady
She brings me all the bacon and eggs she has.
throne of hawkthorne
The throne is in Castle Hawkthorne, north of here.
You unlock the castle with the white crystal of discipline, which you must free from the black caverns.
time bombs
We have three realistic alternatives
#1, Sit here and get blown up,
#2. Stand here and get blown up,
#3, Jump up and down, shout at me for not being able to think of anything, then get blown up.
time freeze attack
Did you see TimeCop?
He, like, totally changed time.
trippy potions
How far beyond zebra are you planning to go?
underwater exploration
I can swim, racist.
unkillable bears
Their kryptonite is dragon farts ...
mixed with dust bunnies.
You can't kill them but you can ...
make them wonder what the hell is going on.
unstable bath
With bubbles - it's a milestone.
vision medication
You'll miss the best things if you keep your eyes shut.
wild children
It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't
use long, difficult words
but rather short, easy words like,
'What about lunch?'
wing hat
Imaginary opera gloves.
Wait, what is this? What are we doing?
zits
Like pimples, but too small to pop. Caused by poor breeding

i will wear your skin

My skin is my own

i am done with you

I will be here if you need further assistance.

command

follow

star

go home

heal

rest

dance

fight

defend

repair

custom

Before Hilda loves you, she will only say

I do not trust or love you enough for that

Once she loves you, the following commands are available

undress
kickpunch
handshake
spacetime rpg
make baby
renovate

Hilda leaves the screen, comes back in a tractor. The player hops in. Dust and construction sounds fill the screen. When the screen comes back, the town has been completely rebuilt as to the one seen in the episode.

inventory

View your inventory by pressing {inventory-key}

exit

Close the menu. Hilda doesn't say anything

Add a custom footer

Play Testing

Game Design

Development Guides

Episode Resources

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